Well, I've been trying to go back to sleep for the past 2 hours... and... I've given up. Being sandwiched between 3 sleeping people (2 small children with various interesting noises while sleeping mixed with the occasional punch in the face) has made me give up the hope of the sand man coming my way again tonight. *it's now 4:30 am. *
There are so many things floating through my head right now: Lifesong school: needed improvements, goals, curriculum, logistics in schedules, etc... to TEAMS: we have so many wonderful teams coming our way this "summer" to my kiddos. The heaviest is certainly my children.
You know, it's really easy to get wrapped up in everyone else's need and the urgency that it brings. However, at the end of the day... when I see my kids needs, that's what matters most to me.
Right now, I'm honestly struggling. Theres 100 reasons why, and I'm not even going to get into all the administrational/missional aspects. Most importantly are my children. I'm simply not sure.
I'm not sure about schooling.
While KG and E are doing pretty awesome, Z is really struggling. Not so much academically (because he is just 6 and in grade 1, reading pretty good, writing pretty well, and a whiz at math)... but rather emotionally. It's not because of his peers, but rather because of what I would call a "harsh" environment when it comes to discipline.
Can I just brag for a minute? Lifesong Teachers are amazing. While they are certainly not easy or soft when it comes to discipline, they do it with love and respect of a child's dignity. I LOVE that. I love that I can trust them not to emotionally damage a child because of the style of discipline or classroom management they choose to implement.
Z is my tender child. You might not pick that up immediately, because E is more "sensitive" but Z is more tender. KG is who she is. ;) Z simply does't do well in a harsh environment. It either makes him loose all confidence, or it makes him angry. Unless he is perfect in class *and he won't be*, he is going to be subject to some pretty harsh, shame based discipline. It's something we aren't used to. It goes against EVERYTHING I know is good for a child. ugh.
Words can't say how much I love my children. It's inconceivable unless you're a mother. I really want God to show me if my heart is wrong, or if I'm being to quick to judge. I need to know the right way. 2 out of 3 enjoy it there. 1 really DOESNT. Does he just need time? a period of adjustment? or is this harmful to him? will he just learn to "do the right thing or else?" ha. *SCREAM* But not only that... i just don't want him to think it's ok to laugh at... shame at... or look down on his peers in ANY way. Right now he really loves kids... his friends. He would rather be playing with the boys who have NOTHING than the ones who have lots. He doesn't consider himself different or better... or even know the concept of "looking down" on someone. I certainly don't want him to learn that at school.
prayers prayers prayer.
Our true hearts desire is to have a teacher who would teach our children 3-4 days a week and volunteer at Lifesong 1-2 days. I don't know if that is an American teacher or a Zambian teacher. So just pray that God would provide what He would have for us, in His timing. In the meanwhile, pray that God would speak SO CLEARLY to us. I know that we were to make this decision. I know God is moving or going to work through it... teaching us things as we go.
well... that's what you get when I can't sleep... ;)
Well, if you have seen any of my Facebook updates, you know that my 3 kiddos started school this week. *sigh*
First, I don't really recommend that all 3 children start school for the first time all in one day. :)
Second, I'm blow.away. by how cool my kids are.
I've really never anticipated my kids settling into another culture as brave as they have. They are so accepting, so understanding, and are able to pick out the best of life in Zambia.
The decision to start them in a Private Christian School, called CCM Academy (Center for Christian Missions) was one Shane and I really spent a lot of time discussing and praying about.
Factors to consider for us were:
*Ability to protect homeschooling time from:
- the unforeseen, yet guaranteed emergencies
-the crazy schedules during the 'US' summer months (5 teams in 2 months!)
* the impact of consistently being in an impoverished environment for our children
*the need for a steady routine despite all the visits, troubles, and changes that often come our way
*the need for both Shane and I at the school until things become more manageable
Thus... CCM was the choice. It's come highly recommended by another family who worked there for a time. While our kids are the only non-Zambians... I'm completely confident that they are in a very good environment... that is challenging them academically.
So, term by term we go... we shall see what the future holds.
For now... it's early mornings, packed lunches, uniforms... and very sweet early afternoon time with my 3 kiddos.