Weary...

Wow... It's been almost 2 months... yikes! 
*Please read this with a grain of salt... not a lot of filtering and more for my own processing. * (mom don't freak out that i'm on the verge of a breakdown... I'm not. )

Today, I'm weary.  So much so I feel myself shaking inside.  I'm on the verge of tears at every turn.  WHY?  I can go days or weeks feeling fine, but honestly I feel myself moving towards complete exhaustion.  I'm not sure if it is because my mind is set on our return home for a few weeks.  If my mind is starting to wonder to those things that are so comfortable.  Some days I just long for "easy."  No sick kids... no staffing issues... no unhappy complaints... no death... gas in the gas station... hot water... or well... just water... a well stocked pantry... time ALONE... maybe find myself snowed in somewhere with just my family... a nap... you know... nice and easy.  nothing hard.  not for one day. just one day. 
Ok.  I'm done whining.  
I'm so in love.  I so love Zambia... I love my staff and team... I love education... I love social work... I love 267 children... I love my 5 children... I love my husband... I love to cook... I love to have a clean house... I love to teach... I love visitors... I love planning for the future... I love this ministry... on and on... 
My limits are starting to smack me in the face.  I love much... but feel very unable.  I'm simply unable. 
I'm weary and quite frankly want to run far far away.  (with my husband and children VERY close behind) 
My need for Jesus has never been clearer than it is right now.  I'm feeling a bit in rags.   But God leaves me with the comfort of his word... 
"Do not grow weary in doing good, for in due season we will reap if we do not give up." Gal 6:9