This week I have the privildge of attending the TBRI (Trust Based Relationship Intervention) Training at TCU with Dr. Karyn Purvis and her collegues. Today was my second day, and it is amazing! Yesterday I was so exhausted I could barely hold my head up when I got home! I really can't put into words all that I am learning, and re-learning. What I can say is that I am so passionate about helping families walk the adoption journey well, and I am excited to see what comes out of this experience. If nothing else, it is without a doubt helping our family function at a better, more secure, and nurturing place. I find it a breath of fresh air to balance nurture and structure instead of getting caught up in the tug of war of power struggles and feeling like "I have to win!"
However, my most memorable part of today was when Dr. Purvis discussed Attachment. It is completely fascinating to learn more about how Adult Attachment impacts Child Attachment. I was able to have the AAI (Adult Attachment Interview) as part of our pre-training for this week. Dr. Purvis says that "We cannnot lead a child where we have not gone ourselves." The meaning behind that is that we as parents and providers can't lead children to healing if we are not healed. The AAI measures your Adult Attachment style, giving greater insight into how your attachment style as an adult impacts your childs attachment style.
Did you know that in adoptive families, there is an abnormally large amount of parents that are Avoidant or Entangled, and only a small % are actually secure? I find this very interesting. Dr. Purvis says "Your attachment style has nothing to do with being a good or loving person, but it has to do with if your heart is available to connect with your child in a way that brings healing." WOW. ok. So, we need to be mindful of this! I must admit that I was SWEATING IT on getting my results back, assured I was at best a real mess! ha! The results were better that expected, so I was pleasantly surprised! It must have been the years of internal therapy with myself! ha!
I wanted to share with you all 2 videos that we watched today that just moved me deeply. The impact we as parents have can NOT be undermined, or forgotten. It MATTERS if we are present with our children and emotionally available for them! It has an IMPACT on who they are if we do not respond or take their needs seriously. We watched one video called crybaby, that shows a child's needs being completely ignored and basically taunted. Many find it "cute" or "funny" or even "spoiled"... but ultimately, the child is acting this way because he NEEDS something, and whatever that is... it is being completely ignored. The second video I found completely moving me to tears... because I know that attachment dance with my children... the one that brings mutual respect, fun, joy, and obedience! That's the way God intended us to be! Enjoy the videos... and sorry this is so "clinical" but I have to process somewhere!