Some days I can believe it... I breathe in the dust of the road as I drive to school and think... "Will I forget what this feels like?"
I bought talk time the other day and thought "Will this be the last time I need to buy talk time?" (it's the minutes for a cell phone)
So many things I thinking, "is this the last?"
Just today, one of our students said "How are you?" and I said "ok, but i could cry." He grabbed his heart and said "Me too. I want to cry too." So we decided we would wait. Wait until next week. We glanced at each other and could even see the pain together.
Yes, in 2 weeks we will wrap up life as we know it here. When we will return? As soon as possible.
But the main question is "What's next?"
Here's the answer: trying to survive. No, i'm joking, kinda!
Our family is a Lifesong Family. They are our family. We have never felt released from Lifesong. My hubs will continue to work with Lifesong in the home office in IL. We will remain on missionary support for at least the next year to 18 months. If you would like to join our support team you can click here. He will be helping to develop new projects and advocacy support.
As for me? Well, our family is under going some pretty huge transitions... shocker, I know. I have a huge desire to be available for our kids and my husband while remaining involved with this so called amazing place... Zambia. While I have some employment options available, currently I've already partnered with a pretty cool wellness company that promotes family health on a budget. It will allow me to work from home if I so choose. This will help the hubs some with finances, while allowing me the flexibility of being fully available for my family... and for volunteering in the areas of ministry I am passionate about while figuring out my new capacity level on the other side. The best part is that part of the income that is generated will go directly to our ministry! #bonus I am super amazed at what a huge blessing and timing this has been for us.
As for our kids? Well, mixed emotions. They are starting to see that it is coming SOONER than later... and even the littles are starting to show signs of grief. At the same time, we try to focus on what we have in front of us, while being grateful for whatever is behind us. sigh. This lesson we could all learn over and over again. They are processing, and will be processing for a long time.
So... 2 weeks... we will get on a plane... and forge ahead into something new... different.
I've decided that THAT is the word i'll use. it will be different.
But I'll trust the process of grief that we are in...