the 12th mile....

2 years ago, before my 30th birthday, I decided I would do something I've never done before. I trained and ran a half-marathon! Believe it or not, back in the day I was pretty athletic... but let's just say that part of me has come and gone. Nevertheless... 2 years ago= half-marathon.

When you are training, you never actually run the entire 13.1 miles. I ran 11 miles on my last long run before the race. I was told that the "runner's high" would have kicked in and the last 2 miles would be a cinch. a.cinch. it WAS.NOT.

Day of the race... nervous, but excited. Starting... good to go. Mile 4... too many hills. Mile 7... saw my family... awesome. Mile 10... ok... I can do this. Mile 12= DEATH. I hit quite the Wall. Was certain I might not even make it to the end. ha. kinda thought... this could be the end!

So... why recall that now? Well... I'm in the middle of my 12th mile. Shane has been gone for almost 4 weeks now. One week to go. The rush of emptying a house is over. I'm sitting here staring at a loft full of 10- half unpacked suitcases with things strung out everywhere. It's 10 pm and I still hear voices coming from the one room we are all 4 sleeping in. (yes, that feeling you are having is jealousy... don't be alarmed) I'm finishing my 27th day of bedtimes, bath times, etc... alone. While my parents are around... the kids want me. I get that. AND... We started homeschooling this week. Yes... yes we did. I know that sounds insane... but honestly we were all craving the routine... and it's helped everyone. But... this momma is tired. My mind vacillates between molasses and tornadic like conditions. If I owe you a call, an email, or a returned message... just keep trying! (OH MY WORD... I JUST REMEMBER I FORGOT TO CALL SOMEONE RIGHT BACK TONIGHT! KRISTEN PENNINGTON IM SORRY!) That wasn't for effect... that was real time there. haha.

So... thus... the 12th mile.

I'm learning what it is like to live in His grace... to extend His grace... and to run a race that's way more difficult than 13.1. Honestly, I'm not sure if I'm doing it well. I want to walk in it WITH grace... shining HIS light... but some days it just feels like I'm barely putting one foot in front of the other. It's looking sloppy girls. (and a couple of boys)

Don't be too concerned... I finished that half-marathon alive... and fully expect the Lord to show off again in this one. Just know that if you see anything resembling ANY kind of sanity... goodness... etc... it certainly isn't coming from me... but HIM.

Pressing on... and honestly craving Zambia like never before. (not that I think it is going to be any easier... but living in your calling is quite joyous... and being TOGETHER certainly makes any load lighter)

"Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining for what lies ahead. I press on towards the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."

Philip. 3:13-14