what you don't see...

Behind the blog posts, FB status's, and emails... there's so much that goes on that never makes it to the pages for everyone to see.  Most of the time that is due to the pace of life we keep.  However, there has been one area of our life that I have kept private for a reason.  It's not private if you visit, because you can see it for yourself. It's hard to write about something so emotionally charged, difficult, and especially when things are unclear.  But... the smog is rising and God is moving.  So... now's the time to write.  Most of you know our hearts for adoption.  It walks hand in hand alongside our calling to orphan care.  We walked away from our 2nd adoption process when we knew God was asking us to move to Zambia.   It wasn't long after arriving in Zambia, God began to place certain kids in our path that just "felt" different than the rest to me. But, after moving to a foreign country with so much need... one can't really trust their emotions.  Over time, a boy named Ngosa, started to bond with our family.  He was a single orphan, who at the time had not seen his mother in 5 years.  His father was dead.  His grandmother was seeking Lifesong to care for him as she was aging and becoming unable to do so.  Over time, our family resumed care for Ngosa.  As of now, he has been an unofficial part of our family for 10 months.   Ngosa is smart (in the top 4 in the class... and #7 over all grade 7s in our area).  He's 14 years old... and one of the funniest kids I've ever met.  We've been walking a road with him that has NOT been easy.  But, we've seen a boy who was fearful, hoarding, and acting in every way to "self-preserve"... to a boy who is loving, thoughtful, helpful, and trusting.  We haven't arrived, but we've come a LONG way.  In addition to Ngosa, about 5 months ago, a double orphan in our program began to once again bond with our family.  Paul has floated from place to place after his parents died years ago. Paul is now with us, as well. He says he is 13, but his grandmother swears he can't be older than 11.  (haha)  He is such a tender boy, who is smart but has so much hurt in his life. We are still in what I would call a crucial/critical stage with him.  I've hesitated to even write this.  Why? 1. Criticism.  2. Misunderstandings 3. Prevention of Friends and Family Freak out.  4.  Our journey has been RAW and we haven't been in a place to share.  We NEVER set out to foster ANY children older than our own.   We FULLY understand the risks involved... and are taking appropriate precautions.  We KNOW this may not make ANY sense to many of you... financially, emotionally, and so on.  But what we can say is this... We know we are called to play a key role in their lives.  We see how they are responding to love, nurture, structure, and Godly discipline... and how God is making us... in some strange way... a family.  It has been one of the hardest years of our lives.  But what we can say is the clouds are lifting... we feel like we have not only been adjusting to life in a new country, with so many responsibilities... but also walking through the difficulties of an older child adoption... without the perks of a celebrated, actual adoption.   For now, things are going well.  We're finding our balance and God is answering prayers.  What the future holds, we don't know, but we know that God is faithful and He loves us, our 3 littles, and the boys. All I can say is that our house is full of laughter, homework, laundry, adventure, and funny smells.  But we certainly have 5 of the best children in all of the world.