boasting...

"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." 2 Cor 12:9

I suppose it is time for some boasting... boasting in my weakness.  I remember a time that I actually thought I had all these great "gifts and talents" that would be used here in Zambia.  I thought I was "gifted" and had something "great" to offer.  *Fast Forward almost 2 years: Now I realize that was SO naive, so arrogant.  Because now... after 2 years of being virtually stripped of any of my own strength, I realize that I'm FULL OF WEAKNESSES.  I'm certain that I've met SO MANY OTHERS who are more qualified than I am.  They are more loving, have better ideas, live a better life, probably would do things right the first time... 
Some days I think "Maybe I could just replace myself with someone who would do it better."  And then I realize, ultimately, God has me RIGHT where HE wants me: utterly dependent upon him.  
There are many days I just have to fall at the feet of Jesus and ask for guidance.  I must ask for help.  I must not believe I have all the answers.  I am not the solver of the problems.  I simply want to be a good conductor of God's love.  I must realize that apart from Him, I am truly and honestly nothing.  I can't be a wife.  I can't be a mother to 5 (plus a few).  I can't love.  I can't see where to go.  I can't give truth.I can't bring healing. Without Him... I can't.  There are so many weaknesses in my own self.  But I will boast in them. I'm unqualified.  But through Him, I'm equipped.  His grace is sufficient and His power is STRONG.  
Now, I only offer what I have through Jesus.  Praying I don't miss... run past... doubt an opportunity to be Jesus... to act like He would... to speak like He would... and to love like He would....