Against my instinct...

Since arriving in Zambia, I've been continually in a place of conflict within my mothers heart. So many things that are " just life" here continually shatter my mother's instinct.

It is NOT ok with me as a mother to see children I love...

wear the same outfit all week long... dirty or not

walk out of my house, an hour before dinner, and I not know if they have food waiting on them wherever they are going...

to walk home in the rain

to work their fingers to the bone when they should be playing

I knew I always believed this... but more and more I see it clearly. Kids were made to be in families. Moms and Dads were made to love their children.

I love my 3+215... and this breaks.my.heart... BUT... I love them NOTHING like my Father does...

Behind these amazing smiles... is so much heartbreak... so much unknown... a desire for more.

praying the Father can use this mother to... you guessed it... "Love like Crazy!"

"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds." Ps 147:3

Made to be Courageous...

I'm sure you have all heard about the movie Courageous that is now in theaters. Obviously, I won't be seeing that anytime soon. ;) However, I've loved the song by Casting Crowns... that coupled with Dennis Rainey's newest book, Stepping Up, has gotten me to thinking.

When I married Shane, I knew for sure I was getting "the real deal." I often joked that he was the loaded Lexus SUV... only God added things that I LOVE but didn't even know I desired beforehand. You know that feeling? You know, when you buy something and then discover something hidden or super awesome about it that you didn't know beforehand? SWEET!

Well, Shane has turned out to be quite the courageous man. Many would look and think that it may be irresponsible to move your family to a land of malaria and deadly snakes. Some would say that it is not wise to live as we do financially, dependent on a team of other believers to partner with us.

This isn't where we thought we would be. Shane thought we were going to live out our Christian lives in a nice little suburb dubbed as "one of the best places to raise a family." Great schools. Great food. Great sports. Great church.

Over time, though, I saw Shane and his plan for our family decrease. I saw him struggle to loosen the grip of control and give his most valuable possession: us... to His Father. I saw him wrestle with trusting God to provide over his own ability. I see his self reliance decrease and his dependence on God increase.

This takes courage. It takes courage to depend on something you cannot see, trust something so powerful, and walk your family into a place you do not fully know... all because God says "Go." My husband is a man of courage.

What I thought I wanted was a man who could provide me with security, provisions, and a safe life. But what God provided me with was a man who was full of courage... not of his own accord, but of Gods... courage that flows only from a full trust of the Father. I'm so unbelievably grateful that my man is willing to live out what He was created for. And so I say... SWEET! Who knew he was loaded with courage? That all along that was what he was MADE for... and what I DESIRED?

I can't imagine life any other way...

Ministry around the table...

This is J. He's quite the cutie. I remember meeting him in April, because I thought he had the most beautiful eyes. Little did I know that he would be at the house every day.

Let me tell you what I know about J. He's 9 years old and in the 2nd grade. He lives with his mother, who works for us on the strawberry farm. He also lives with his 2 brothers and 1 sister, all who are older than he is. J struggles a bit in school, mostly with his rowdy behaviors.

Early this morning, they were outside playing and I had my kiddos come in because it was time for school. J stuck around, without my knowing. :) I went out to get towels off the line and there he was... sitting on our back steps. I said "J, didn't i ask you to go home?" He didn't answer, but replied "I will help you." And he began getting the towels off the line.

-insert here: now... I'm well aware at how sweet this sounds... but also, we are learning that we have to MAKE the kids go home... or they WONT! haha-

I said, "Well, if you want to help, then come in. " I then had him and Z fold the towels. ha. I then said, "if you are staying, then you have to participate in school with us." He agreed. And he did! I told him that I knew he struggled with listening at school. He grinned and said "I make too much noise." I said, "Well, today, I'm sure you will do just fine." And he did. He has great handwriting, but is clearly behind in some other areas.

As I sat and watched my kids learning with J sitting at the table learning, too, I just became full. While some would be annoyed by his presence, I'm asking God to show me how to influence and see into his heart... so that we can help him in school. I've seen parts of his heart... and it is sweet.

As (home) school came to a close, and lunch approached, I said "J, it is time for you to go home. I'm going to give you a banana, and then you have to go. If you obey, you are welcome to come back tomorrow." He agreed and left right away. This is another behavior that he has struggled with at school: obedience, specifically around going home. First, I'm praying that God will give me more time so that I can gain a bigger glance into what "home" is like for J. I'm hoping that over time, trust is built and boundaries are set in place to help him grow into a Godly young man.

So... you can join me in praying for J... and for the influence our family might make on his life.

(on a side note... and much lighter side... the kids came running in this am after breakfast and said "there's a black mamba in the yard!" We all go running out the door and see, indeed, there is a black snake "swimming" across our mud puddle. Shane grabs a hoe and chops it up. The ladies working on the farm then inform us that it isn't a black mamba... but a spitting cobra instead. Oh good, that makes me feel a lot better. ???!?!?!?!)

"It's Malaria..."

Those are the words that I hoped I wouldn't have to hear for at least a year or so, as we get settled in to our new home in Zambia. Actually, it was one of my biggest fears in bringing my children to Africa.

On Sunday night, KG started running a fever... no other symptoms. On Monday morning, she still had her fever and we took her to a clinic about 30 minutes away. It is the best clinic and medical care you can get in this area. They did a finger prick and blood test, and the Dr. brought us back into her office and said "It's Malaria.." She went on to describe the treatment, and what we needed to be aware of. Wow. Malaria? Didn't I spray them obsessively when they were out past 5? Am I not the one who continuously obsesses over the door being closed? Don't they sleep under a net? Aren't we taking a preventative medication for malaria? YES! AND YET...It was time to face my fear head.on.

(KG under to mosquito net the first night in Zambia)

While the potential for "freak out" was pretty high, I have to say that we were "ok." I can't explain it other than God's grace is sufficient... His word is true.

KG really was a trooper. She's been whining and not sleeping the best, but otherwise doing pretty good. We are hopeful the medications we have (which cost us a total of $15) will rid her of malaria. We are to go back next week for a test and hope it comes back negative. Ultimately, it was a mild case. However, there are SO.MANY. MOSQUITOS in our home! We aren't sure if they are getting in through screens that aren't working well, or through the "vent" system... which is just holes drilled... without any screens that we can tell. Either way... just pray that we can find the source and get it fixed asap.

I can't help but think... ultimately, without 1. Parents to notice she wasn't well 2. Access to medical care 3. Ability to pay for the medication : She could have very well DIED from it.

3,000 children die each day from Malaria.

We.are.blessed.

Meet My Neighbors...

"Love your neighbor as yourself..." Jesus. (Luke 10:27)

Today I was afforded the opportunity to walk into the "Zambia Compound" to visit a home of a child, sweet C, who attends our school. The compound is something like a squatter village, with many homes that house over 2,000 children in our area. Our home is about .5 mile from this compound. Those who live within it... they are my neighbors.

I have been in the compound before, by car, but never by foot. I walked with E and Z, along with visiting Vision Team members.

I cast my eyes upon children... every which way that I looked. I saw children with no clothes... I saw a mother struggle to carry her twins: one on the front and one on the back... I saw a little boy who had a bad cut on his face, needing a mother's care. I saw children tending to themselves with their mothers laying lifeless under a tree. We encountered men who had clearly had too much of something, and were aggressive with the children we love. I met a mother who has 4 biological children, and is caring for her dead sisters 2 children. She has no job. She has no husband. The oldest child is deaf and mute. Yet she says "Without Jesus Christ, I could not face these trials."

It simply isn't right. For us to live as if this does not exist, and for me to live as if they are not my neighbor... is wrong. To not love them as Jesus would is a reflection of a hardened heart.

So... meet my neighbors...

And so...

"... who is my neighbor?" (Luke 10:29)

A little glimpse...

Our first night in Africa... it was a sweet time, blessed with a beautiful sunset! (like every night)

The walk down our road to and from the school... it's a beautiful walk, and a beautiful thing to see my children walk the roads with such amazing people!

The kids were a bit overwhelmed at first, with 215 kids staring them down. In the words of KG "it was kinda crowdy." ha. BUT, since then, E has attended class, KG has found several playmates, and Z has been to basket weaving cla

ss 2 days! (plus they are all getting spoiled by the older kids!)

We are so blessed to live among the only strawberry farm in Zambia! That's Lifesong Farm! You can click here to see more. The kids LOVE it!

A little story and some prayer...

I wanted to ask you to pray for P. He is a little boy that is Z's age who is constantly sick. He was at school with his mother yesterday, as she wanted him to see the nurse at school. I was asked to sit in on the visit to possibly help from a social work standpoint. You see, little P is suspected to be HIV +. However, his mother denies this greatly and has up to this point refused to get him tested. I sat down next to P and another team member. Our nurse, Christabell (who ROCKS), had a heart to heart with the mother. She said "do you want your child to die?" The mother hung her head and eventually said "no." She said "You can get tested, treated and take medication and do very well." The mother agreed to go immediately and have him tested. LS provided the ability for her to get to the clinic. We are supposed to learn tomorrow these results and get him medication if necessary. Pray for his mother, that she would be able to stand strong and make wise choices for P. Pray that she would be able to keep his best interest in mind rather than the stigma she and her family may face. Pray for P. He is a sweet, sweet little boy who wants to be well... to run and play like other 6 year old boys do.

Ya'll... I don't know what more to say, other than now that I am here I feel like this is what I was made for. While I'm not blinded to the darkness around, I'm finding such deep joy and gladness that God chose us to be in this place.

I'm in love...

We made it to Zambia! On the trip over, I had several uncertain feelings…and at times just wanted to scream “turn this plane around.” But once landing in Lusaka, it all changed. Since, I haven’t had one moment of “get me out of here.” Now, granted… we are 3 days into this thing. I’m well aware there will be times I feel that way. However, I’m basking in the goodness of our God in allowing me to feel at peace right now.

The past couple of days have been spent getting our home set up and organized (do you know how easy it is to unpack when you only have 11 bags?) This place it truly perfect! I’m so proud and grateful for all the many hands that went into making this place our home! Honestly, I LOVE it!

What makes our home even better… is a house FULL of kids! Saturday and Sunday was spent having several “visitors” come and welcome us, and play with our kids. Yesterday afternoon, a few boys came and played soccer with Zack. Zack certainly thought he was pretty cool. Ha. As I looked around, I saw such joy on my children’s faces… well, on ALL MY children’s faces. So much to soak in.

I'd love to leave you with some pictures... but of course, I forgot to bring my cord for the camera! UGH! Can't remember everything! ;)

My next post will be a series of stories and pictures that I don’t want to forget… Hopefully our internet will be working or at least I can bum it off of the school!

Well, it’s 6:20 and time to get breakfast on the table before our FIRST day at school!