Keeping the Pace with Grace...

In November, my self-view was changed. I was awakened to things about me. How dependent upon God I truly am. How terribly inefficient, weak, and incapable I am: physically, mentally, spiritually. How much I NEED: God, my husband, my family, and my mentor friends, & margin.

I'm sure my calendar looks like many of yours:(only my kids don't have "activities")

While many moms can keep that pace, I can not. I have become awakened to my "Martha" side of things (once again) that are, while great things, are stealing my ability to care for the priorities God has set in my life. The Mr. & I have had "wide open" doors for other families, commitments, etc during our evenings that have stolen away precious time together as a family. We have been home only long enough to "recover" and then "go back at it." I'm certain this is NOT how God intended the family to function. Run here, go there, invite them, this meeting, that class...

God gets my attention in crazy ways. This time, it was clear He was saying "STOP IT." My body practically came to a halt on its own... couldn't. keep. up. Irritable, rushing here to there, emotionally checked out, joy... stolen...physically unable to go or think. I'm grateful for a husband and some close friends that can help me analyze myself... emotionally and spiritually, and give me guidance when I need it.

Over Christmas with my parents, I spent a lot of time sleeping & praying... and God showed me just how TIRED & Needy I am... once again. He reminded me that I must not forget that ministry doesn't only happen outside of my house... but MOST of the time "should" be inside this house with the children God has entrusted to me. How did I not realize that Satan used my very passion to lure my heart away from the actual calling and "real life ministry" HE had given me? My passion to serve orphans, adoptive & foster families actually took away from my time alone with God, and focusing on a healthy home life so that He can "set" more children into our family if He sees fit.

I've seen this in my life before. I step back or something "takes me out of the game" for a while (be it... having a baby, adoption, move, illness, etc) and I get "rest." THEN I "feel better" and automatically assume it is "time to fill up my schedule again." It's like a mentally ill person who takes their meds, feels better, stops taking their meds... and spirals into insanity again. I want to shy away from insanity.

Keeping the Pace with Grace... that's my theme for the year. God gave me that theme when I wasn't really asking for it. ha. I desire MORE THAN LIFE to give my all... hold onto nothing more closely than HIM... serve Him, others ... LOVE like crazy... Him... others... And only HE can reset my pace. HE must tell me "yes" to this and "no" to that. HE must give me approval before I say "yes"... or fill my schedule with practically ANYTHING. That even means "fun" stuff too. I refuse to be eaten alive by business. I'm actually praying that if I am doing anything that will distract me from the things HE wants me to do most... I will feel physically ill.

I have recently "resigned" from 3 things I was doing regularly. I am "shedding the weight" of my schedule to free up time to respond spontaneously to the things God has for me. He wants to use me, I want to be used. I just don't want to be a chicken with my head cut off. He can't use chickens without heads. (I suppose He could... if He really wanted)

So... Here are my priorities... that I believe are Biblical... in a particular order...

1. God: praying, knowing His word and His will

2. Husband

3. Kids

4. Ministry: specifically our ministry partners, and adoption ministry at church.

That's it. If I can not "keep the pace with Grace" then it is not about HIM... it's about me. I don't want to be about me. I want to give my life away for HIM... with Grace... joy... energy... and the greatest of love. I want HIM to be Glorified... and If I'm crazy & irritable... it's gonna be hard for anyone to see Him through that sin. So... Lord... Set my pace... reveal to me the things you want me to do each day... stay on the front of my mind so that I filter all things through You. Help me to say NO when it is not Your best for me and my family. Renew my joy and passion for my home and help me to use the time we have to make much of You.

love... one weak, jacked-up, madly in love with you Mamma....