What exactly am I relying on anyway?

re·ly (r-l)

intr.v. re·lied, re·ly·ing, re·lies

1. To be dependent for support, help, or supply: relies on her parents for tuition.

2. To place or have faith or confidence: relied on them to tell him the truth.

Believing in something we can't see... Believing in something even when circumstances suggest otherwise... That is Faith. And I am on a Faith exercise. I keep thinking "I'm good.. I have faith." But I do recall a few posts ago writing about Faith Atrophy... and not wanting to let my faith waste. Well, thanks, God... you are indeed working out my faith. ha.

"Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed." Jn. 20:29

What an amazing word from God. We do not HAVE to see to BELIEVE. Not just believing in Jesus himself, but in His perfect dose of provision for us when it looks contrary.

Let me share a couple of quotes from my devotion today:

"How important it is for God to keep us focused on things that are unseen, for we are so easily snared by the things we can see!" Yes... again... in the hospital the other night... I began to walk off the edge when I started focusing on the horizontal verses the vertical.

Ok, I just have to write out the rest of this... because it is so good and so applicable I have to share it.

"If Peter was ever going to walk on water, he had to walk, but if he was going to swim to Jesus, he had to swim. He could not do both. .... God had to bring Abraham to the end of his own strength (feels familiar) and let him see that with his own body he could do nothing. He had to consider his own body "as good as dead" (Heb. 11:12) and then trust God to do all the work. When he looked away from himself and trusted only God, he became 'fully persuaded that God had power to do what he had promised.' (Rm 4:21).

This is what God is teaching us (me), and He has to keep the results that are encouraging away from us until we learn to trust Him without them. Then He loves to make His Word as real to us in actuality as it is in our faith. A.B. Simpson"

The question is this... Is my faith so elementary that I need constant encouragement and reassurance from my Savior? Or... can I indeed trust him without it? I am praying the answer is YES! I will trust even though I do not see the "How." Can we simply believe God and take Him at his word without demanding encouragement/evidence at every step? It just felt so convicting to know that for years I have relied more on His "provision" than I have HIM alone...

Mother's Praying....

For those of you who know, I had a separate blog just to highlight kids in the foster care system to pray for. These children are all waiting children. I wanted to start that up... so each Monday I will be posting a child to pray for, who has no mother to pray for them. If you are ever interested in information about adopting from foster care or becoming a foster parent, let me know and I can try to get you the information you need to move forward. As browsing and praying earlier... I came across this little guy. Besides having possibly the coolest name, his face just grabbed my heart... so, this week we will pray for Sir William. How cool is that?

Below is a little about Sir William and ways to pray. Pray for him this week.

1. That He would know there is someone who loves him... and if he isn't experiencing that now, that God would send someone who would express deep love for him.

2. That God would provide a family: if someone has been "thinking about it" they would MOVE to action....

3. As he is starting up school, that he would find that transition with ease.

4. That God would grace his foster family with Godly love, patience and fun.

5. That Sir William would grow to know God's love for him.

6. That fear would be removed and replaced with unconditional love.

Here is how Sir William is described:

Sir William is usually very happy and playful. He is known as the fearless jokester around the home. Sir William shows concern for his caregiver's safety as at times he feels he has to protect his foster mother. Sir William is also very talented with percussion instruments, he is described to have a nice beat. His foster parent describs him to have more rhythm than even, those older than him. Sir William loves to play with toy motorcycles, trucks, and videogames. He enjoys playing outside sports and has been said to remain content when staying physically active or working with his hands. Sir William loves macaroni and cheese and chicken nuggets. He has a healthy appetite and lets his caregiver know what food he wants. Sir William participates in special services at school for speech and behavior. He does well with his studies. Sir William receives speech therapy in school and recieves in-home supportive services.

Join me in praying this week......

just a few pics to laugh...

This is about hour 10 into our 15 hour car ride... silly kids...
Picking Blue Berries in TN

and the head lamp was indeed a hot item at "Papaw and Nanas"...

Yes, I am procrastinating. No, I have not unpacked from our trip to TN and Yes there are dirty dishes in the sink. I'm going, already. I just had to post a few pics because it has been a while and I just needed to smile...

When I am weak...

But He said to me (Mrs. McB) " My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly of my weakness , so that the power of Christ may rest upon me." 2 Cor 12:9-10

I am sitting here in a hospital room with E. He has severe asthma and had to be hospitalized with steriod IVs given to help regain control of his breathing. I am growing to HATE asthma... but that will be another post. Over the last 24 hours, I have had moments of teatering... no... falling off the edge of sanity. Forget the last post... with the travel, loss of dimples, etc. It's been the last 24 that I have once again seen Jesus literally catch me while I'm falling off the cliff... I have had a really hard time seeing E suffer so much. The breathing treatments are nothing, the X-rays, monitors, etc. don't bother me. But the 15 minute IV saga, combined with E's fear through the roof now resulting in him not wanting to take meds orally and him fighting this is about to break my heart. I hate seeing fear in him, this is what breaks my heart the most. I can't hardly stand to type it.
While all of this is going on, I'm not able to think clearly. As E's fear increases, so does mine. "How can I care for him better?" "what are we missing?" "Is this how it will always be?... and if so "Can I really provide the care my children need on top of another child with special needs?" "Is our financial boat sinking?" Ok... your heart rate is rising too! haha. BUT GOD... has stopped me in my tracks and asked if I would acknowledge HIS strength in this... and If I would remember HIS faithfulness in this. And I'm choosing yes... even though I FEEL like "loosing it." Here's the verse "I will give thanks to the LORD with my whole heart. I will recount all of your wonderful deeds." Ps. 9:1
With that, How can I be anything but grateful for all HE has done for me and my sweet family? It is when I take my eyes off of Jesus that my heart becomes "I" and fear centered. I know I must take care of myself... and I trust that God is going to provide that time and a way for this to happen. I also trust God is going to provide a plan that I can continuously pour His love through me into my husband and children. I am weak... and I'm bragging... know that if you see anything good or strong in me... be assured it is HIM.

On a lighter note.... let's add this to my collection of "are all those kids yours" pile.... Our nurse yesterday who was doing all the paperwork for the admission to the hospital asked about a million questions. She was nice, and I think I was. Then she asked "are you his legal guardian?" um... Yes, AND his mother. then I go to explain we adopted him from Ethiopia...blah blah blah. Then she asked "Do you have papers?" um... yes. with me.... NO. I don't carry my children's birth certificates around... shoot me. Lucky for her... she didn't press the issue. haha. BUT THEN... I see her select options on My information and she selected "Foster Parent". Um... I nicely explained... No... I'm not his foster parent, I'm his MOTHER. Ok, so she changes it, and I can tell she is getting nervous. Nevermind the poor child needs more attention with his breathing than his records, but ok. THEN she asks, "How many siblings does he have?" I said 2... one brother and one sister. And don't you know that girl put ONE STEP BROTHER AND ONE STEP SISTER in the record. I just laughed at this point. It was either that or cry (because this followed the 15 minute IV saga).... Really, is adoption that confusing? Shaking things up when I don't mean to....

stay tuned....

When your heart is off...

We have been in TN since last Wed. And... if you know ANYTHING about where I am from in TN, internet is NOT on the agenda...haha. So, forgive my brief "step away" from blog world.

However, I must say that when I left home, my heart was hopeful... and 2 weeks later I find myself ragged and worn... yet still clinging to the only thing I know to cling to... my sweet Jesus. We are 13 days into our trip, and we are exhausted. We have spent the majority of time in TN connecting with ministry partners and attempting to develop new partners in ministry. God has a sense of humor, ya know? NOTHING about the last 2 weeks has been anything like expected... yet God remains the same. We have not really seen God bring in the support that we were hoping to see. Most of our need will be to cover the increase in our monthly budget due to adding our daughter to the family. I KNOW God knows what our needs are... and either He will add to our partners or He will show us where we can decrease our need. I trust Him in this. This is our first "support raising" trip since being on staff and I suppose my heart was "off" in it's expectation. Despite this, we have been able to share Hope for Orphans with MANY and I believe God is moving on behalf of orphans through people in East TN! And THAT is worth it...

However, I've had to walk through the last 2 weeks with unexpected pain. Because I want to protect the privacy of all involved, I can't and won't share much... but I have had SEVERAL inquiries about dimples... and my heart is weary in sharing over and over again. I arrived Wed after my last post. The caretakers of dimples called me to inform me that she had passed away that day. Shock... pain... loss... I just didn't want to hear that.... and the person on the other end didn't want to say it. I wanted to SCREAM into the face and heart of the church... WAKE UP!!! THIS IS SO REAL! The need is real... children are dying from RIDICULOUS things due to lack of treatment. God wants to use our pain for His Glory. He wants to love through us so that He might be glorified. He wants to use us... our homes, our love, our money, our time, our arms, our entire lives to Glorify Him... even if it takes pain to do it. While dimples rests in Jesus' arms... there are millions who wait... my daughter included.... waiting for hope... waiting for the church... waiting for maybe even you.... the need is urgent.... praying that the cries around this world are heard by the Church....

Praying for Dimples...

Well, I wanted to update you now because I'm leaving for TN tomorrow and not sure how long it will be before I have internet access again. Today Shane called and said he had talked with Gladney. Dimples is NOT going to be able to be moved into the Gladney system. I'm not going to state all of their reasons, other than to say that they are good reasons and we respect and trust Gladney. My heart is breaking for this little one. I KNOW God wants to set her in a family... apparently just not ours. While I'm filled with peace in knowing God has a plan... I want to do ALL I can to advocate for this little thing. She is amazing, and if you know ANYONE considering an Ethiopian Adoption who might be interested, please contact me.

In the meanwhile, will you pray that God would give dimples a forever family?

While we sit here.... there's this reality....

"Lord, please rescue me from self-absorption. Ensure my view of the gospel is not one of self-elevation, but of elevating Christ by dying to my selfish wants, what this culture says I need... so that We can give MUCH.... even our very lives away...."

Watch this video of a team visiting Korah... the Trash Dump in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia. Be changed... and give....

“For of those to whom much is given, much is required” Luke 12:48

about a little girl....

I feel like I need to blog through this... instead of keeping it inside... so the next few days are going to be personal. I don't want to give out too much information, because I can't. However, I can say... there's this little girl... I'm calling her dimples. Dimples is 4 months old, waiting for a family... in Ethiopia. We found out about her through a "friend". ... we weren't looking for her... but her information made way into our inbox. This happens regularly, and usually I don't think twice about it. I just sit and wait for God to prompt me. This time... He did. I called the "organization" that has Dimples and inquired. She is DESPERATELY in need of a family, and has been waiting since birth to be placed and no family has come forward. I explained that we were already deeply into the process with our agency, Gladney. She explained that they would be willing to release her into Gladney's care if Gladney were able to do this! Wow. Didn't think that would happen.... So... I'm writing asking for prayer. She is PERFECT for our family, and we already are "in love" with this sweet little thing. While we know that she may not be ours... we know God has brought her into our lives to pray for and to advocate for. I know she must have a family... and we hope it can be ours. BUT, we always pray for God's BEST in the situation. If Gladney is unable to take her into care, we will not adopt her. BUT if Gladney can (based on paperwork, Ethiopian rules, etc) then we are more than likely going to adopt her. Gladney is willing to try! And for that, I'm so grateful!

Please pray that God's perfect will be done... that we would rest in Him... knowing that if not Dimples, another child. Knowing if not us... another family. We trust God in this. He's got this one covered. I truly believe it.

Please pray.... as we wait to see what God has planned. It will probably take a week or so to find out if this is even possible. There's just something about this little dimpled angel....

heartsick...

Today I finally mustered up the courage to call and check on our fingerprints from the FBI. It is the ONLY thing lacking in our dossier. We have had everything else finished for weeks now.

I know that God's timing is perfect, and He will BE SURE to get our little girl to us... But my heart is still sad.... Because as I wait for those dang prints...there is another side...

She is waiting...in an orphanage somewhere... needing her mommy. My heart starts to be saddened for all the things I'm missing ...Maybe she's sitting up for the first time, or trying a new food... or maybe she is waiting to be found on a side-street... My heart and mind can get wrapped up into all the things that "could be." I just don't want to miss any more time than I have to. I know how it is to "wonder" about the lost time... time that you can't EVER have back... so that is where my sense of urgency comes from. I need her...she needs me. Lord, PLEASE get those prints processed!!

Mistaken Identity....

Well, today was another one of those days where my patience was tested. I get to the county clerks office at 9:30... I have an appointment somewhere else at 10. The reality sets in of how dang stupid it is that I have a speeding ticket... guilt over the financial burden that places on our family... all the meanwhile E is strapped to my back (which he loves), Z and KG are running circles around those silly little "line barriers" with the elastic straps... you know the ones kids are always pulling on, knocking over, etc. I've made it through security..whew. Now all I have to do is pay the ticket and get out before we break something. ha. The guy at the window seems nice enough and starts processing my papers. All the meanwhile the kids are running around, smashing their noses up against the windows, playing with those dang elastic line barriers.... just being kids. After about 10 minutes the guy finally starts to finalize the paperwork.. guilt comes back because I see the dollars leave our account... frustration... blah.. KG then says "Mommy.. I've gotta go.." " Honey you have to hold it for just a minute".... 2 minutes later... "Mommy, I can't hold it." ugh... Look at the guy at the window... he starts to work frantically because HE doesn't want to be the one to clean up a little "accident" in the lobby. I say "See why I was speeding.. I can't get out the door on time...haha" another 2 minutes pass... guy behind glass window (lucky for him)... says... "What are you the community babysitter?" Me... Smile "Nope, they are all mine and they are awesome!" Guy behind window "That's what I thought." ??? Well then idiot, why did you feel the need to ask?

My mind starts to race as I begin to ponder the effects those questions will have on my children when they really understand what the guy is asking. This has happened several times... and I keep thinking "I should be used to this." However, it NEVER feels ok. Yes, I take the opportunity to show how proud I am of the kids. Yes, I take GREAT PRIDE in saying "THEY ARE MINE"... and at the same time, I just want to go out of the house and people assume we are family.... and that I am their mother. I don't want my children to have to endure the questions. And I pray that people will stop "helping themselves to my life" when my children are clearly old enough to understand the conversation.

Ok... so, my thoughts have been "God, what do you want to teach me through this?" And He brought my mind back to Jesus. He got questioned ALL THE TIME on his identity. "Who do men say that I am?" 28 And they told him, "John the Baptist; and others say, Eli'jah; and others one of the prophets." 29 And he asked them, "But who do you say that I am?" Peter answered him, "You are the Christ." "So, I thought next time I could respond with his response "Who do you say that I am?" lol. Just kidding. But, people really preferred him to NOT be who he said he was (LORD) because the truth made them concerned, worried, and down right angry. Ultimately, who JESUS said He was caused his death. So, when I'm so concerned about my mistaken identity... I simply smile, speak truth in love, and remember that my identity is in Jesus.... so is my children's... and if Jesus handled all the questions... He will give me grace to do the same.... and let's just hope there's no collateral damage in the process (of the questioner of course...)

Shirts Shirts Shirts... praying for 500 Shirts...

Well, here we are again... desperately waiting on the Lord to do mighty things to get his child into our family! When God said "move" and we agreed... we knew it would be an uphill financial battle. But we trust fully in God's plan. We know He called us to our little girl. We.Just.Know.

You can help... by purchasing a shirt from us within the next 20 days! Half of the proceeds go to our adoption costs. There are a couple of ways you can order.

1. Check out the shirts here and then leave me your order in the comments... mailing the check to us...leave email and we will send you our address.

2. Order online using paypal here.

Enjoy your shirts!

The Why of my Heart....

I've been reading a book called Reckless Faith... it's about a family who moved to Mexico to minister to orphans. Some of the stories are showing off God's mighty defense on behalf of orphans... seeing Him walk them through the worst of situations and grow them up to be mighty adults.... Then there are the stories that leave you asking "God... where are you?" Yet we know He is there. He wants to be present to the orphan through me... and through you. Pure Religion = VISIT orphans and widows. That's the challenge today. VISIT... and be changed.

Why Love Orphans? from Christian Alliance for Orphans on Vimeo.