When I am weak...

But He said to me (Mrs. McB) " My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly of my weakness , so that the power of Christ may rest upon me." 2 Cor 12:9-10

I am sitting here in a hospital room with E. He has severe asthma and had to be hospitalized with steriod IVs given to help regain control of his breathing. I am growing to HATE asthma... but that will be another post. Over the last 24 hours, I have had moments of teatering... no... falling off the edge of sanity. Forget the last post... with the travel, loss of dimples, etc. It's been the last 24 that I have once again seen Jesus literally catch me while I'm falling off the cliff... I have had a really hard time seeing E suffer so much. The breathing treatments are nothing, the X-rays, monitors, etc. don't bother me. But the 15 minute IV saga, combined with E's fear through the roof now resulting in him not wanting to take meds orally and him fighting this is about to break my heart. I hate seeing fear in him, this is what breaks my heart the most. I can't hardly stand to type it.
While all of this is going on, I'm not able to think clearly. As E's fear increases, so does mine. "How can I care for him better?" "what are we missing?" "Is this how it will always be?... and if so "Can I really provide the care my children need on top of another child with special needs?" "Is our financial boat sinking?" Ok... your heart rate is rising too! haha. BUT GOD... has stopped me in my tracks and asked if I would acknowledge HIS strength in this... and If I would remember HIS faithfulness in this. And I'm choosing yes... even though I FEEL like "loosing it." Here's the verse "I will give thanks to the LORD with my whole heart. I will recount all of your wonderful deeds." Ps. 9:1
With that, How can I be anything but grateful for all HE has done for me and my sweet family? It is when I take my eyes off of Jesus that my heart becomes "I" and fear centered. I know I must take care of myself... and I trust that God is going to provide that time and a way for this to happen. I also trust God is going to provide a plan that I can continuously pour His love through me into my husband and children. I am weak... and I'm bragging... know that if you see anything good or strong in me... be assured it is HIM.

On a lighter note.... let's add this to my collection of "are all those kids yours" pile.... Our nurse yesterday who was doing all the paperwork for the admission to the hospital asked about a million questions. She was nice, and I think I was. Then she asked "are you his legal guardian?" um... Yes, AND his mother. then I go to explain we adopted him from Ethiopia...blah blah blah. Then she asked "Do you have papers?" um... yes. with me.... NO. I don't carry my children's birth certificates around... shoot me. Lucky for her... she didn't press the issue. haha. BUT THEN... I see her select options on My information and she selected "Foster Parent". Um... I nicely explained... No... I'm not his foster parent, I'm his MOTHER. Ok, so she changes it, and I can tell she is getting nervous. Nevermind the poor child needs more attention with his breathing than his records, but ok. THEN she asks, "How many siblings does he have?" I said 2... one brother and one sister. And don't you know that girl put ONE STEP BROTHER AND ONE STEP SISTER in the record. I just laughed at this point. It was either that or cry (because this followed the 15 minute IV saga).... Really, is adoption that confusing? Shaking things up when I don't mean to....

stay tuned....