What the "Gottcha Day" video didn't tell you...

You know this... we've seen a ton of videos that bring us to tears... it shows a waiting family, a waiting child, and the glorious day where they "instantly" become a family... in love. The video ends with hugs and smiles. We are hooked, and some are convinced this represents the adoption journey. (here me out here, i'm certainly NOT anti-video... we have one, and I believe it is a BEAUTIFUL picture of the gospel... of a family's start of a story... and it certainly SHOULD be celebrated!)
What I've found, though, over the past couple of years is that adoption is so easily fantasized. I was guilty of it, despite my walking with many families through it as a social worker. We want to think "that's not going to happen to me" or "because I'm adopting an infant it will be easy."
I've worked with families recently who have said "Wow, I didn't know it was hard." And some even consider walking away from a child.
So... Here's 10 things that OUR video... nor anyone else's I've seen... doesn't tell you:
1. You might not feel the way you expect when you get "The Call." While I've been madly in love with E from the beginning, when I saw his picture I wasn't necessarily overwhelmed with emotion. I knew he was the son God had for us. But ultimately I was in love with the possibility of being in love with him.
2. While you are all excited and counting down the days until you meet your child, they basically have no idea about you (unless they are older). They are just living life until one day this strange couple shows up and starts snotting all over them.
3. They might not like you at first... and you might not like them. Check out the first pic we have of E as he is laying eyes on us... yes, it is SCREAMING that he is in complete love with us... LOL. It also took us almost 2 hours before we could pick him up. We didn't take him with us the first day, because we felt it was too difficult for him. Slow and steady... and it was miserable for us, but in the end it was the right thing for him. And there were times in the first 6-9 months that frustration was the overriding emotion.

4. Your children will grieve. They will be sad to leave whatever environment they were in. They've built relationships, bonds, and routine that will be missed.
5. Because of this grief, they may not want you to hold them... they may actually hit, kick, scream or bite at you. Luckily for me, E took that out on his siblings at first. We went from 99.9% happy to 99.9% conflict when E came home. Happy to report, we are back to approximately 94.3% happy. Pretty darn good.
6. Regardless of age... YOU and YOUR CHILD might be EXHAUSTED due to little sleep, sleep disturbances, etc.
7. There's no guarentee for a happy ending.
8. It takes a LOT of work... and you may find yourself locked in the bathroom crying. (and I ain't talking about the happy tears, either)
9. There will be days you say "did I just ruin our lives?" (the answer is no)
10. The most tender, sweet moments that occur make the videos look stoic in comparison. I look back at our video now and think... wow... we were just getting started. We are MADLY in love now in comparison. It's kinda like marriage, with age it just gets sweeter. (I didn't necessarily say easier)
So hear me on this... adoption is without a doubt one of the most beautiful and amazing journeys of our lives. I'm blessed to say that with E, many of the difficulties disappeared within the first year of being home. I just think so often times we get caught up in the emotion, and sick of the wait... when we could be using that time to spiritually prepare, and educate ourselves for the journey ahead. I also don't want any families out there to think they are weird because they didn't "feel" the way they thought initially. Of course, there are families who would say they didn't struggle with ANY of these things, but I would venture to say that is the EXCEPTION to the rule.



My prayer for my family, and for yours, is that we love our children the way they are... that our relationship with them will help them and us become more fully the person God created us to be... and that regardless of how hard the road may be ahead, we know God has called us to walk it.