Post #6: Mix of current day + another amazing God thing...

Currently, we want to let everyone know where we are in our process for AJ...

We have revisited this subject more than a million times over the last couple of months. Without a doubt, this has been the most heartbreaking aspect of our decision to move to Zambia. (sorry mom, I'll miss you, I swear). The thought of walking away from the adoption was SO HARD. We prayed, cried, grieved, and even asked God to "leave us alone" and let us stay on the course we were one before February 11th. We wrestled with the decision, and begged God to make it clear that this is what HE was asking us to do. And, of course, you are about to read how He did just that within DAYS of our begging. I have always prided myself (first mistake) of saying "I'm allowing God to build my family, one child at a time... from whatever place." He convicted me that in this process... I was holding out tightly... and NOT allowing Him to do HIS work. "Do you trust me enough to let go?" "Do you trust me enough to believe I want to bless your family with more children through adoption?" "Will you hold onto how I've revealed myself to you even in the absolute hardest circumstance?" Yes. Yes I will. BUT NOT WITHOUT A FIGHT! ha. I grieved terribly. Call me crazy, but I love this little girl in Ethiopia... although I do not know her. I have prayed for her. I envisioned her sleeping beside me. And now... will it ever happen? But in Zambia, He showed me that I do not "need" adoption to allow my heart to love like a mother. I fell in love... and I will love them like I would love my own. And, when God chooses, He will add to our family. So, in February... we went on "hold" and 2 weeks ago, we officially withdrew from the Ethiopia program. Any money that we get back from our adoption will be given to our church to help with their adoption grant fund they are starting. Our adoption story isn't over... it is just becoming more unpredictable than ever... I can honestly say my heart is at peace... as He has done amazing things... read about it yourself...

"So, tonight as I was doing the dishes, He gently reminded me of a provision yesterday that I had completely overlooked. I received an email from a girl that I had met briefly a few weeks ago... but we had no contact info for each other. The girl had gotten my email address inadvertenly from our caseworker (we have the same adoption agency) who put her in contact with us because of our pursuit of the adoption of a child with HIV (when we went on "the list" we were the only family pursuing HIV adoption specifically). She and her husband are, too, pursuing the same type of adoption with our agency. It is NO coincidence that they are requesting a child with the same parameters as ours. God has provided another family for the little girl that I thought was mine. They will be ready to BRING HER HOME, while we end up GOING to beautiful children of Zambia... and possibly to where my future children are. I do not know what God has planned, but what I know is that He has provided ultimate peace... a family for the child I thought would be ours, and the peace to move into a life I could have never dreamed of just 3 weeks ago.

The thought of this answered prayer is really unbelievably overwhelming. I have begged God to show me that "this is OK." I feel so grieved about this, but yet have peace. I can't believe that God cares SO MUCH about me... about my heart, that He wanted me to see that there is another family... and I trust HE is raising up many families for children living with HIV. If you want to know more about that... just let me know, and I can hook you up with some pretty amazing people!!"