Thursday, September 23, 2010

one of THOSE conversations...



I just have to share my conversations, in part to process and in part to just hope that some other adoptive mom out there who is having the SAME conversations in her life will not feel as weird or crazy... it just seems to be the way it goes.

Yesterday I was having a conversation on the phone with a close friend. She was asking about "if we still only have 3 kids or if we have 4 yet" (she is close in that we have been friends for a LONG time, but not always up to date with each other) I said that we are getting closer to 4 every day! Then the short conversation took place "Well that's great, then you can have another one of your own and have 5" Me: "They are ALL my own, you know." friend: "Yeah, I know, but you are going to have another one, right?" me: "Why would I?" friend: "It would just be special." REALLY? I do NOT even KNOW what that means? me: "well, to me, they are ALL so special, and pregnancy was NO MORE special than adoption. We have no intentions of having any more biological children. OF all the ways we could add to our family, biological is on the bottom. I wouldn't be devastated if God surprised us, it is just not the way we are choosing to build our family. " silence...subject change. :)

I guess this is the first time we have been asked if we will "HAVE" any more children biologically. I guess people are wondering as we continue to add through adoption. So, let me just air my laundry here... No, there are NO plans. When I see my future... here is what I see (and who knows what God sees) I see lots of kids... We have a heart for special needs children, we love Africa... we love foster care... we love minority domestic adoption... so when I stack up my desire to get pregnant with those passions and callings... it's at the bottom. I truly do not believe pregnancy is the "first choice" and adoption is "second." In our family... we view BOTH as being equally viable, beautiful, blessings... and they have been EQUALLY fulfilling for our family. There is not one part of me that feels like I am "sacrificing" by not having any more biological children so that I can adopt children. Being a mom to both biological children and adopted children is the BIGGEST BLESSING OF MY LIFE. And at the end of the day... I forget that I didn't "have" E.... because I love him as if I did.

So... I don't know if this is helpful to read in preparation of questions you may get one day... questions you have towards a family like ours... or you have had the same experience. I just want to say... Adoption is no consolation prize... it's the real deal... and one of the biggest privileges of our lives that we could have missed out on...

6 comments:

  1. Love this post! Thanks so much for sharing your heart - it is amazing!

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  2. Yay!!! I needed this! Since God opened our pathway to adoption early, people ALWAYS! Ask me when are we going to have children of our own. That question just burns me up because it directly attacks that my children are not MY OWN. I just smile and say, "if by "own" you mean biological, Then I never plan on pursuing that unless God surprises us or He changes my mind" Love you! May God bless us both with many children of our own!

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  3. What is WRONG with people??? I have long said that I don't know if I'll ever have biological kids, because my desire to adopt and provide a home for a child who does not have parents is SO much stronger than my desire to make a baby that looks like me...just for the sake of having a child that shares my DNA. People always tell me I'll feel different when I'm married. I always say, "Maybe, but probably not."

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  4. Mitzi, thank you, thank you, THANK YOU. You are so unbelievably refreshing to me when I am 99% surrounded by people who will not allow themselves to show vulnerability or struggle in any way. Rob and I were just talking about you and Shane last night and how unbelievably thrilled we are to be a part of yalls HFO journey. Yall are the real deal. You are abandoning all for the sake of the cross. Truly doing whatever must be done to follow Him and I just seriously could not express what an unbelievable encouragement you are. I know you will be thinking, Its not us.. its the holy spirit. and it certainly is, but it also takes obedience on yalls part and its just amazing. I think of that new song, im sure youve heard it, it starts ".. If I saw you on the street, and you said come and follow me.." You are are truly living the Christ life- pursuing the throne and it is just such an amazing testimony. Thank you also just for sharing this. As we get closer to adoption, Ive definately started struggling with some fear (of about 17 jillion different things) and praying that I will feel our next child(ren) is just as much a part of my soul as Zachary and Ansley are. I know this is the enemy trying to destroy our hope in this beautiful process, but its real. So, thank you for this awesome post and sharing your heart so truthfully about your adoption journey(ies). We are praying for VICTORY and rejoicing on Oct 5th. I know how trying the waiting for the test results can be, Oh man, how I know. I pray for the God of peace to strengthen you as you wait and I pray that His power would limitless in giving precious E's lungs the breath of LIFE abundant through the power of the precious blood of Christ.

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  5. This is Shaun Lee's wife, Ann. I applaud the writer of this blog as I am an adopted child myself. I grew up in a small backwards Ohio town. I had kids tell me that my mom wasn't my "real" mom. I look back and feel sorry for them. What they didn't understand and probably still don't is that my "real" mom is the one who stayed up all night with me when I was sick. The one who taught me how to cook. The one who has been there for me every day of my life. My younger brother is also adopted but he is my brother. Period. We don't have to share DNA to be related. I'm blessed that not only are my brother and I adopted, but I have two cousins and a younger brother in law who are all adopted. We don't sit around and talk about who is an adopted child and who is a biological, we just see family. Shaun and I have a daughter and one day we would love to give her an adopted sibling. Blood may be thicker than water, but but a mother's love for her children, whether she birthed them or not is one of the most poweful forces on earth.

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  6. Amen sister Christian!! Do you mind if I put a link to this post on my blog? :) AWESOMEness!!

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