Regression... coming right up!

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Today I wanted to write about something I don't write as much about as of late... but our current season has certainly demanded it.

For many of you, you are unaware of the transition struggles that we had as a family for at least the first 6 months after bringing E home. Our blog went private for almost a year afterwards. It was a sweet time, and a hard time. All day today I've found myself wanting to reflect back... maybe because currently some things feel the way they did then.

Maybe because I know some of you are in the heat of things right now...

Maybe to just remind myself, and you... that this will get better and that there is so much hope for our sweet and amazingly strong children...

I have to confess the thoughts that I've had JUST TODAY... Today, as I saw KG and E running down the hallway holding hands and laughing together I thought "wow, we have come SO FAR from where we started. " I never thought I'd see the day. For the first 6 months after bringing E home I cried at night truly believing I had "ruined KGs life." So for all the moms out there who are newly home (especially with a toddler)... hang in there. It takes a LOT of intentionality, but it gets SO MUCH BETTER!!

Sleep... Oh Sleep. UGH. Our largest issue... which resolved at about 9 months home. However... recently... it has snuck back up... looking different, but I've seen that face before. I am fully aware, and expecting, regression to come our way.

We are moving.

Our environment is changing in a major way at home.

We have sold a ton of things.

And all the talk about "Africa" has E's ears perked. He is WELL AWARE of what is going on Insecurity starts to creep in... and OH REGRESSION.

Just tonight, I laid E down and snuggled up with him. He stared me in the eyes and rubbed my face... we just shared sweet words and hugs and kisses. My thought was "wow... I'm so in love." 30 minutes later I'm ready to "hurt somebody" (figure of speech of course)... He's not wanting to stay in his "sleeping area"... He's crying at everything... total breakdown in communication and security. UGH. "ARE WE HERE AGAIN?!?!?!" I try to pull out my KP (Karyn Purvis) moves... and I try to elicit what little compassion I have left and recognize that he is going through a lot... we all are... and I pray for patience. He's now sleeping soundly in his room. I'm reminding myself a 40 minute episode is NOTHING compared to the 3-4 hours it used to take to get him to sleep when we were first home. And to beat that, this hasn't happened in a LONG time...

In all of the mess (and it's a mild mess in comparison), I'm reminding myself to keep focus... be less motivated through my own emotional reaction and more motivated by grace.

I'm reminding myself to be less occupied by my to do list and more occupied with being present for my kids.

I'm reminding myself to balance my structure with nurture... and do all I can to give them a positive and low stress environment... (which means I have to talk to Jesus A LOT during the day!)

Ultimately, I'm falling at Jesus' feet and asking HIM to minister to the hearts of my children beyond what I can see...

In all reality, they are doing UNBELIEVABLY well with all the transitions. We knew this transition would be tough on everyone, especially E. But all in all, even he is handling it like a CHAMP! Afterall, sleeping on an air mattress is good cause for sleep disturbances, right? ;)

It's just a good reminder that we are never really "finished" or "settled"... i suppose that's why they call it a journey...